Sometimes I ask myself,
by 7x7chan
Summary: Sometimes I ask myself, how much farther will I have to go? Harry is waiting to face Voldemort. but when he finally realises he isn't really ready, it's allready too late,...


This time I wanted to make a bit deeper fic, so I combined it with a song called 'Free & Easy' by the fabulous J-pop singer Ayumi Hamasaki. It's really an ass-kicking song! Mail me if you want the song. I could send it through msn or with the mail. Please, R/R I really LOVE reviews. That's the thing that keep me going ^_~  
  
SOMETIMES I ASK MYSELF,.  
  
Harry swallowed his fear. Around him, light slowely turned into darkness; day slowely faded in night.  
  
He knew what he had to do. It was up to him, though Hermione and Ron were with him, he still had to do it alone. That's how it was written in the prophecy, that's how it would happen. He and him. Him. Voldemort.  
  
He tried to find the last bit of hope he had left. But the sky was too dark, he couldn't find that ray of sunshine he needed. But he wasn't going to give up. Or was he? It didn't matter. Or it actually did. He didn't care, but he also did care. He was going to win. Or not. Or he was going to die.  
  
His mind was racing. Many memories and feelings were displayed on the screen. He saw his life as a movie. A movie with good and bad pieces. The bad pieces were the people staring at his scar, not believing him, people who wanted to kill him. And of course, every time he had to sacrifice or lose something,... or someone.  
  
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Sometimes I ask myself,  
  
how much farther will I have to go?  
  
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But there were also good times. Like discovering he was a wizard. Meeting his friends. Meeting people who did understand him. And of course, falling in love.  
  
Beside him he heared Ron shiver. It was cold. Hermione was standing straight and crossed her arms. He knew she knew it could happen anytime now. Her eyes seemed to be focused on the far away sky. But after a while he saw her eyes trail off towards his.  
  
'Harry,...' her voice echoed in the night. 'Harry, I want you to know,.... just don't give up hope, do you understand? I don't want you to lose it.' Harry slightly nodded. Hermione gave him a deeper look 'I don't want you to think it is okay to die,...' she added softly.  
  
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I hear your voice.  
  
I hear your voice saying "don't give up" -----------------------------  
  
He sighed. Of course he wasn't giving it up. He wasn't going to die. He just wasn't. As long as his friends where near. a cold feeling entered him. His friends were not able to help him with the fight. He had to do it alone.  
  
"think happy thoughts,..." he thought. He sounded desperate. He actually never thought he would ever be deperate. Quickly, he shifted his mind to happier thoughts. Like the time when he and his friends made a promiss to be there for eachother always. They had made that promiss when they first returned in their sixth year.  
  
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I remember the words  
  
"Your happiness is my happiness"  
  
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Harry slowely shifted his weigth to his other leg. Waiting wasn't a pleasant thing to do. Waiting for his death,... Why was he seeing things so negative? He wasn't going to die! He wasn't! Or,... maybe he was.  
  
'Stop it.' Hermione suddenly said, breaking the silence.  
  
'What do you mean, Stop it?' Ron asked. Hermione shook her head. 'Harry, stop it! I know what you are thinking. You think you're going to die, aren't you?' she said loudly, with a bit trembling voice.  
  
Harry wanted to protest, but suddenly the earth began to shake. He saw Ron looking very scared, trying to find his wand in his robes. Hermione held her wand tightly, so tight her knuckles turned white. Harry felt guilty. He was the reason they were in this situation. But somehow he felt a bit reliefed, knowing they would not have to face Voldemort.  
  
Slowely, someone came walking their direction. Harry felt how his heart began pounding furiously. Without hestitation he grabbed his wand and pointed it at the black figure.  
  
It happened quickly. He couldn't even follow it with his eyes.  
  
the next second, Ron was gone and Hermione was lying on the ground. He suddenly realised that she wasn't moving. She wasn't moving.  
  
He turned to the place where the black figure stood, but it was gone.  
  
'NO! Come back you,...you,..' Harry couldn't really remember what he intended to scream, but instead he just hurried over to Hermione and kneeled beside her.  
  
Hermione slowely turned her head towards him. 'That was,... quick' she whispered. Harry felt horrible. What had happened? It was obvious that Voldemort had, somehow without him noticing, attacked Hermione within a second.  
  
'Where's...Ron?' she tried. Harry shook his head. 'I don't know. He's,...he disappeared somehow,..' he looked into her eyes. '....I'm going to die Harry.' Hermione suddenly said, while the tears were streaming down, over her cheeks. Harry gasped. That couldn't be. She wasn't going to die. He was the one that could die in this battle. She had nothing to do with it. He grabbed her hand and slowely stroke it. 'You aren't going to die,... believe me'  
  
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Believe in me.  
  
I'll always be here beside you.  
  
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Hermione smiled a bit. She tried to sit up. Harry helped her a bit. Once she sat up, he could see how bad she was hurt. It looked as if some beast had attacked her; scratches were over here whole body, some were deep and bleeding. He quickly grabbed his wand. 'I can heal those, right?' he asked. But Hermione shook her head. 'It's not that kind of wound you think,... it's poison... I can feel it,.. in my veins,...' she answered, with a trembling and soft voice. At the same moment, she fainted.  
  
Harry was in shock. Ron was gone and Hermione was lying unconsious in his arms. He didn't hestitate and picked her up. He was going back to Hogwarts. Whatever the prophecy was. He wasn't going to fight Voldemort now. Even if he had to, he wasn't. Hermione had to be safe. Actually, Harry was quiete amazed by his sudden need to protect her. He never felt this urgent to do something. While he was walking, he looked at her face. It seemed to be lifeless. But deep inside he knew she was alive.  
  
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The proof that you're alive  
  
exists inside of me.  
  
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Two days later, Harry and Hermione were sitting in the common room. Hermione was totally healty again. And Ron, they had found him a view hours after Hermione had recovered; he was locked inside a closet. The three of them never really understanded what actually happened. But Hermione had a guess on what happened.  
  
'He probably used a time-stop charm; it causes time to stop, then he attacked us, ran away,...' Harry nodded. 'Yeah, that could probably have happened.' Hermione looked him in the eye. 'Harry, are you sad?' Harry turned towards her. 'A little bit,... I don't know why. Maybe because I'm angry that I dragged you into this,.. I never meant that, you know.' He started off slow. 'But it's just,... the whole Voldemort thing, I never actually believed I could beat him. And I didn't.'  
  
Hermione's eyes slowely met his '....but he didn't beat you either,...'  
  
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In this, this dirty city,  
  
you're the person who  
  
gathers up and shows me  
  
something beautiful.  
  
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Harry's heart began pounding quickly. She was right. She was so right. He was still alive. SHE was still alive! What could there be more precious to him at this moment than her being alive? He almost widened his eyes at that thought. He knew he cared about her. But this much..? His eyes met hers again. Her deep, brown eyes. He could stare at them forever, but he felt his cheeks began to redden. he wanted to run away. Or at least hide. But he felt as if that was too late. Instead of doing one of those things, he slowely leaned towards her, still gazing in her eyes. If she didn't want this, she would back off, right?  
  
Hermione didn't back off. In fact, she leaned towards him too. Staring into eachothers eyes, their lips met.  
  
Harry felt better than before. He knew she knew he would protect her. He wouldn't let this ever happen to her again.  
  
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I'll always protect you,  
  
so you never ever lose  
  
that which you have clutched  
  
close to your heart.  
  
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That night, Harry had a nightmare. He woke up with his scar burning painfully. He sighed and closed his eyes again.  
  
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But sometimes I ask myself,  
  
how much farther will I have to go?  
  
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End file.
